joed1989

Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Diamonds Are Forever

In Uncategorized on February 25, 2014 at 12:19 am

Tonight is the night I kept myself from going to bed to blog for the reason people get into blogging. Not the people that get into blogging hoping to become famous and have a movie made out of their attempts to cook through Julia Child’s cookbook or something like that (great movie, by the way), but the people that just need an outlet. I was literally in bed, lights and glasses off, about to lay my head on the pillow, when I thought to myself (among the other things that I will share in this post): “I have to get this off my chest somehow. But wait, I have a blog. Hmm…”

So there I was tonight, catching up on my shows from last night, Shameless and Looking, – those are two show titles; although “Shameless and Looking” would be a pretty good title for a show as well – when I started to examine my life. Why does watching a show about people that live lives completely unlike our own make us feel bad? I mean, I don’t want to be a latchkey kid on drugs trying to dodge my alcoholic father who’s dying of liver failure or a 40 year-old gay man in San Francisco attempting to open a restaurant, but god damn it at least that’s more exciting than my life. Aren’t TV shows, movies, books, most things in life there to distract you from yourself for a while? Thinking about nothing sure as hell gets me to thinking about a lot – feeling down on myself for being 24, living at home, working a job I pretty well dislike, being SINGLE with no immediate hope of escape…did I mention I’ll be 25 this year?

After pondering all this, what’s the logical thing to do? Apparently, it’s to buy yourself a freaking candle with a “diamond” ring in it like I just did. Why? I don’t know, do you? Why do so many people want them? Why are they everywhere? Maybe I bought one in the hopes of finding out what the hype is all about; maybe I did it because I know they’re probably worthless and I want to tell people about my disappointing experience every time I see someone else post on Facebook about wanting one. Oh well, I guess we’ll find out when it gets here in 10-15 days, because that’s a realistic shipping period these days apparently.

Diamonds are forever. Are they all I need to please me? The only thing that feels like forever in my life are my student loans. (I got post-grad jokes, what of it?) Ramble, ramble, I’m done.sweety-pea

Advertisements

A Musing Comeback, Take 2

In Uncategorized on November 13, 2013 at 4:09 pm

So it’s been almost a year since the last time I claimed to be making a comeback to my little blog here. I know you’ve been waiting.

Today, I was on Facebook – not doing much of anything, as usual – and I came across a post someone had shared: “11 Ways to be Unremarkably Average.” Now, I’ve never considered myself average, for various reasons, but I just felt like I was being reminded that I’m painfully 20-something, with a college diploma, working in retail. One of these 11 ways was to think about writing a book, but never actually doing it. I feel like that applies to anything, really: if you think before you speak, but never speak, all you’re doing is wasting time.

So I was thinking to myself “Hey, I’ve got a journalism degree. I might be half as good at writing as I pretend I am; why not whip something up?” The result is a short short short story, maybe the beginning of something else, maybe nothing more than a way to take up time on a boring day off.

Before I get to the story I wrote, here’s one about my real life to put things in perspective. My “freshman experience” class in college was all about the Twilight Zone, relating to story telling and blah blah blah. The final project in this class (admittedly, one of only a handful of things we did all semester) was to come up with a concept for an episode of the Twilight Zone. My story involved a woman in present day Chicago having horrible dreams about running around an empty world, alone, then finally meeting another man who helps her determine they are the last on earth destined to be the Adam and Eve of this new world, repopulating it to former glory. The ultimate twist: Her life in Chicago is the dream and her “dreams” are her real life.

I loved my idea and that the project made me exercise my creativity in a fun way. I feel like what I’ve written today could have been an alternative idea for that assignment. I had fun writing it, maybe I’ll expand upon it later, but without further ado, here it is.

“The Reception” by Joe Dillon.

“You are cordially invited,” I read, “to the Reception. This Saturday, the 16th of November. 6 p.m. Sharp.”

I must have seemed silly standing alone in my apartment, pajama-clad and unshaven, reading aloud the elegantly adorned piece of pastel paper. They call the color Ghost Orchid. By law, only government papers could be printed on that shade of purple, so I guess the name was fitting.

It had arrived in its matching envelope while I was still asleep. I didn’t even think about what day it was when I rolled out of bed, but I was reminded the instant I saw it – “The Invitations” were the only mail delivered on Tuesdays.

I skimmed the rest of the letter, which was mostly background information about “The Reception” and what to expect upon arrival. The last paragraph included some B.S. about what an honor it was to be selected, although everyone’s told from childhood that “all members of society will eventually receive this incredible honor,” as my mother phrased it. Her Invitation came three years ago – on my birthday, actually, which is why I remember it so distinctly.

I didn’t bother to read the fine print at the bottom. It’s common knowledge what it says under the Eligibility of Candidates heading – a rambling paragraph about annual income and overall service to the community, things like that. I didn’t quite think my life at this point had the makings of “The Chosen,” but here was my letter nonetheless.

“The Reception,” I thought. “What a name.” I would have liked to meet the person that decided it sounded exciting to be “cordially invited”; I suppose this name did have more of a ring to it than the original – “Systematic Population Control.”

Over the years since it started, people stopped trying to fight it and “The Reception” has become as necessary a part of life as being born.”

 

P.S. You know that phenomenon where you think you’ve come up with a completely new thing, but it turns out you read/heard about it somewhere else and your brain forgets that? I’m always afraid I’m a victim of that whenever I do something new…I hope that’s not the case here.

Making a comeback!

In Uncategorized on January 4, 2013 at 8:28 pm

image

And it’s only been 8 hours.

In Uncategorized on August 27, 2011 at 6:33 pm

So I moved back to school today, so I thought I’d share some good and bad things that have happened since I arrived at roughly 11:30.

Good:
I got to see some friends.

My iPod works with the Internet.

Bad:
My laptop won’t go online.

I live right next door to my douchebag roommate from second semester of sophomore year.

The sensor bar for my Wii is broken (at least I hope that’s the problem).

I live in a dorm that has prison showers, two “stalls” : each with a water box (my own term for it) with three spigots.

I had such high hopes for today. I guess I can just hope it gets better tomorrow…

Some random thoughts…

In Uncategorized on August 17, 2011 at 12:05 am

Things I hate #14: Redundancy. Case-in-point: The term “assless chaps.”

From Wikipedia: “They (chaps) are buckled on over trousers…but unlike trousers they have no seat and are not joined at the crotch. ”

Awkward moment #73: When the Golden Girls talk about sex.

Word I don’t like #116: Lover.

(Except this)

Thing I couldn’t live without #1: Music.

Jango

 

P.S. Like me on Facebook 🙂

Blow it out your tubenburbles!

In Uncategorized on July 4, 2011 at 9:11 pm

This post is purely based on the fact that I think people care about my opinions. Which is totally true, of course.

So, let’s make this clean and simple – here’s a list of my favorite TV shows of all time (in no particular order):

 

Golden Girls  (where the title of this post came from)

Grey’s Anatomy

Power Rangers (only until they went into space)

Sailor Moon

Weeds (no, I don’t smoke weed)

Desperate Housewives

Reba

So Weird

Jeopardy! (yes, it counts)

Skins (UK)

 

My criteria for picking “favorite” shows:

1.I thought of it off the top of my head.

2. I actually care about the characters.

3. If there was a marathon on TV, would I watch the whole thing?

 

 

I dreamed an MTV series.

In Uncategorized on June 30, 2011 at 10:29 am

I’d say it’s a pretty safe bet that I have the most vivid and ridiculous dreams of anyone I know.

Last night, probably fueled by the late night Taco Bell and Kix before bed, I had one of the strangest. It was actually a 2-part dream, tied together by the fact that I turned out to be watching these 2 dreams as a TV show on MTV. What that show was, I don’t really understand. All I know is 3-4 people died. My dreams are a little gruesome sometimes.

Let me interject: I don’t think dreams tell us about our suppressed thoughts or are a window into the future, I believe (most scientifically) that dreams are your brains way of vomiting out all of the things that you have seen and have happened to you the day (or a few days) before.

In the first part of the dream, which, oddly enough, featured Taye Diggs, I was a teenage girl at a neighborhood in the mountains with her family. What do families do when they’re on vacation? That’s right; they put on plays with the locals.

The night before opening night, the director hosted a party for the cast and their family and friends, so my actual extended family and some random people who were apparently my best friends were there.

The party ended when the director shot Taye Diggs. The police came and killed him, at which point everyone scattered, except me and my “best friend” and his sister. We were making PB&J sandwiches in the kitchen, when I saw the director’s ghost messing with the radiator. I tried to get my friends out, but they didn’t believe me so I had to run out alone and drive as fast as I could down the mountain before the house exploded.

That’s when I realized I was just watching this story on TV and the girl in the show wasn’t actually vacationing with her family, but she was at a mental institution, which she had blown up and was running away from. Maybe I did wake up at that point and noticed the TV was on, and upon falling back to sleep, incorporated it into my dream.

I told you it was ridiculous.

The second part was much shorter and not as crazy. This episode was about another teenage girl who was at a gym for dance classes. The instructor was the mother of her best friend, who was also in the class, and they were planning an outing that weekend at her pool. The class ended and everyone walked into the hallway, at which point the instructor dropped dead of a heart attack.

And that was that.

 

Easy like Susan Lucci

In Uncategorized on June 26, 2011 at 7:34 pm

Imagine good ol’ Lionel singing that!

I was watching Home Shopping Network (HSN) today and saw that Susan Lucci was promoting Malibu Pilates (a workout product) and it seemed like something I would actually use. Considering my current weight situation (fat), it’s more like something I need, but $329 is a little bit more money than I have right now. Like $328 more.

Speaking (writing?) of money, I finally dug my sewing machine out from the heap of crap that it was under, so I’m going to try to sell some things on Etsy. The only problem is, gee whiz, I don’t know what to make. Tote bags? Stuffed animals? Quilts? Underwear? I just don’t know!

Seeing as though this will probably be my only source of income this summer, since I haven’t gotten a job yet (even though I applied at, at least a dozen places. It sure stinks trying to find a job when I’m only home for another 2 months.

All I know is, it sure isn’t easy like Susan Lucci.

In closing, I welcome your feedback on what I should offer to the millions of potential customers awaiting my arrival on Etsy. Or the two people that will happen upon my page and feel sorry for me. You know, whichever.

Random songs I’ve had stuck in my head today

In Uncategorized on June 23, 2011 at 7:51 pm

I seem to always have the most ridiculous songs stuck in my head; most often while I’m in the shower. Here are a couple examples from today:

“Da Dip.”
That “Deep in the Heart of Texas” song.

Pretty diverse duo, eh? If they were people, they’d for sure have a sitcom.

I did nothing today.

In Uncategorized on June 21, 2011 at 8:31 pm

Well, maybe not nothing. I let my dogs outside a couple times, ate a few meals, ate a few too many snacks, talked to my best friend Emily on Skype (out of respect for her privacy, I won’t tell you that her last name is Port. Oops.), looked up plane tickets to visit her, played some Minecraft, watched Grey’s Anatomy, and…well, that’s about it.

I did nothing exciting today, I suppose I should say.

The days seem to all turn out in some variation of this lately. “Get a job!”, you might say. I’ve been trying, smart ass. Apparently three and a half years of retail experience isn’t enough to get a job somewhere.

I never thought I’d be one of those people that writes about not having anything to write about, but here we are. Whatevs.

I’ll leave you with this: